Midlife Musings

I think we all know that "letting go" is a big theme in this midlife passage into elderhood.

Sometimes it can even look like burning parts of your life to the ground.

Add in all the stressors of these decades and it really can feel like you're in a pressure cooker.

To which I say, with great empathy, "Yes, of course it does." (Please, pause right now and really take that in if you're feeling the stress.)

However the analogy I would offer rather than “pressure cooker” is “crucible”.

Dictionary.com offers 2 definitions of crucible, both of which apply:

1) Literally: a ceramic or metal container in which metals or other substances may be melted or subjected to very high temperatures.

✅ CHECK

2) Figuratively, a severe test, trial or extremely challenging experience in which different elements interact, leading to the creation of something new.

✅ CHECK

And do you know who used crucibles?

Alchemists! Those folks who were experimenting with the process of transformation, melting base metals in hopes of turning them into gold.

Midlife is nothing if not a time of transformation.

This crucible is not just about the various losses you may face, but also about doing the inner work of midlife - what I call your midlife soulwork: letting go of the habits, beliefs, ideas and things that no longer serve you, and discovering who and how you want to live in the world for your second half of life.

You see, I believe most of us hit midlife dragging around a bunch of junk with us, much like Linus and his blanket; Comforting perhaps, but not necessarily in our best interest.

Hence the need to let go and let it burn away, hopefully seeing those lessons turn into gold.

Archeology of the Soul

At the time of this writing I've spent the past 2 weekends buried elbow-deep in the flotsam and jetsam of 62+ years of my family's life that’s been stored in the dark recesses of my childhood home, thereby rummaging around deep in my own psyche as well.

At the end of the month my mom is moving out of the house my sisters and I grew up in and into a lovely independent living condo. I'm excited for her as well as relieved to have her in a place that will decrease her stress and be safer as she ages, and until these past two weekends that was my predominant take on it.

But...

What I've discovered amongst more saved notes, cards and papers that any person should ever save, are multiple invitations to revisit the ideas I had about my family, especially our early years, and touch into pain I never really processed (because frankly it was just too much).

Now, equipped with a mostly fully functioning frontal lobe, loads of powerful tools and 60 years of accumulated wisdom, I'm taking the time to change a deeply embedded habit of pushing grief deep into my body, pasting on a smile and just getting on with life.

I'm letting that self-protective strategy burn away—even though it's scary—and discovering what it feels like when I have enough ease in my nervous system to let emotions flow through me.

And as I unearth the stories I had about my family and feel the feelings I avoided as a child, I am starting to quite literally excavate a foundation I thought didn’t exist — one that is more solid and much kinder to my nervous system, expanding my capacity to feel all my feelings, even the tough ones.

This is what I mean by “Midlife Soulwork”, and if you'd like to explore how I can support you in your own excavating journey, sign up for a free Wayfinding call here. We will explore the struggles and longings that are alive in you right now, get clear on which of the major midlife hurdles are derailing you and together we'll discern the most impactful thing you can do to start finding your way forward.

I suspect I’ll be processing and integrating for some time to come, but for now I am curious:

What would be the one thing you would transform about yourself, the one story or habit or even trait (which might just be a story BTW) that feels like it would be important to leave behind in your journey to Elderhood?